Review of “Festified.com”

I’ve met one of my best friends at high school. While I was busy to bury a corpse in the school’s park, one of my classmates came to me and said:

“Delphine! A guy from class B has been excluded because he was drawing two turtles making love!”

I put my shovel down. That was an amazing idea. At this very moment, I knew that this talented guy would become my friend.  I ordered this classmate to go and find me the boy. He nodded, bowed, said “Yes, Madam” and ran as fast as he could. 10 minutes later, I met Simon. He looked at the shovel on the ground, smiled, and then accepted to be my friend.

As a matter of fact, I’m filled with emotion while I’m talking about this new startup. Festified.com is an e-shop where it is possible to buy the most tasteless ugly Christmas sweaters ever. I was discovering what they offer when I found this little masterpiece:

That’s it. You are not dreaming. It is your most daring fantasy occurring before your astonished eyes. Yes. These reindeers are having a threesome.  Isn’t it beautiful? It reminds me my youth, the slutty turtles and my high school.  

Furthermore, not only festified offers ugly clothes, but the website doesn’t work well. (Try to select “Collections” – “Naughty” ---> Nothing. Or at least on my 70 year-old computer). I think it is brilliant to seem even more rubbish than you actually are. Indeed, it is just like this blog. I could have write my articles in elegant and black letters, put instragram filters on my photos, talk about fashion and perfumes and things that smell good. But I didn’t want to Because you are not worth it, it is as simple as that. In fact I am the only one who is worth it.  So I’ll tell you my secret: I have two blogs, one with misspellings and a poor display (the one you are currently reading) and another – with the exact same content - designed by Philippe Stark. The latter is my secret garden, you will never see it little fool. 

You only deserve the ugly blue one, and the end of this article.

Shop your ugly sweater here.